Before I post my ranking of the movies I have seen in 2007, I have decided to do my third and final revising of last year's movies. Tell me I'm wrong. I dare you.
39. Saw III- Has anyone realized the Saw movies suck yet? Anybody? My brother's friend told me the ending would blow my mind. Oh my mind was blown all right. Blown that this goddamn series is still going strong with its fourth entry.
38. The Marine- Far be it from me to criticize former WWE Champ John Cena's thespian abilities...but this was actually released to theatres? It looked like a direct-to-video specialty to me.
37. Turistas- Perhaps the worst of the recent emergence of torture horror. Oh wait, Saw III was worse. Never mind. Still I knew this one would rank low after the hideously boring 10 minute underwater chase scene.
36. See No Evil- Thanks to The Marine, this wasn't even the worst WWE film of the year. Although the movie was terrible I will give it some credit for some fairly entertaining death scenes.
35. Lady in the Water- I think we've already established that Shyamalan is still making his reputation off one good film, and really guys, The Sixth Sense was good but it wasn't that good. The plot was laugable but it's especially heinous with all the little digs Shyamalan makes at his critics. Such as having the most hatable character in the movie be....a critic! And Shyamalan plays himself as someone who will write great works in the future. Ego much?
34. Deja Vu- Pretty laughable sci-fi action hooey. It dives off the cliff never to return with the car chase that's sort of through time but not really. Not sure how to explain. Denzel...YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT!
33. Eragon- Watching this makes me give Peter Jackson a lot more credit. Damn this was terrible.
32.Glory Road- Sports team overcomes adversity to prove all the critics wrong. Sorry, did I spoil the ending?
31. The Hills Have Eyes- Torture porn continues. But without heart. Aja's Haute Tension was a much better film, so maybe it was just a lapse in concentration.
30. Hostel- More torture porn. These movies suffer even more because there were some pretty good horror films this year.
29. X-Men: The Last Stand: Apparently someone dared Brett Ratner if he could ruin the X-Men franchise in only one film. He gave it the old college try.
28. Fearless: Pretty forgettable Jet Li action film.
27. Rocky Balboa: Much better than I was expecting. Certainly not the worst of the series. Not the best either.
26. Apocalypto: Well it was better than The Passion. Not by much but better.
25. Mission Impossible III: I don't really remember much except Hoffman. And I love Hoffman. So we'll put it here.
24. Nacho Libre: Completely ridiculous Jack Black movie. But it was better than Napoleon Dynamite. True dat!
23. Superman Returns: Great special effects and whatnot, but why was the movie so damn bleak. Shouldn't we be having fun while watching? And Kate Bosworth was terrible as Lois Lane.
22. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: Same as Superman Returns. Great effects but the tone was misguided. And Jack Sparrow's character was ruined. A pale imitation of the first film.
21. Thank You For Smoking: Pretty solid satire although it got a little Disneyesque at the end. And I use Disneyesque in it's worst connotation.
20. Snakes on a Plane: It was fun. That's all I asked for.
19. Inside Man: Pretty enjoyable but sometimes I get annoyed with these con movies. Like the writers have just been screwing me for about 2 hours. And I didn't even get to cuddle afterwards. Wait...did I just say that?
18. Talladega Nights: It's no Anchorman. Still pretty funny though
17. Slither: One of the oddest horror films I've seen recently. Juggles being pretty dark and being nastily comic pretty well.
16. Blood Diamond: Solid acting by everyone not named Jennifer Connelly (at least she's nice to look at) although at times it was preachy. And if I wanted to be preached to I'd go to church. And I don't go to church.
15. An Inconvenient Truth: Speaking of preachy...but seriously Al Gore delivers his case remarkably well. Could be seen in the future as the most important film of 2006. But most important doesn't mean best. In fact in this case, it means 15th best.
14. Flags of Our Fathers: A pretty strong year when a film like this is ranked this low. Although the last 1/3 got really preachy with a painful AND I MEAN PAINFUL narration hammering home the theme of the entire film. Thank you. I'm not dumb. I got the point.
13. Curse of the Golden Flower: I was expecting an exciting martial arts epic but instead got a Shakespearean style drama. Not that that's a good thing. Excellent acting, amazing production design led to one of the most underappreciated films this year. It's a downer though.
12. Babel: Crash wins the Oscar. Babel is a better film in virtually the same style and it doesn't win the Oscar. Not saying it should have. But that's why Crash shouldn't have won. Babel wasn't perfect though. When juggling plot lines, it's important not to make sure one dominates the others. If you can't accomplish that then why not just have a singular narrative. Rinko Kikuchi's part as a deaf school girl in Japan is the best part of the film and she steals the entire movie from the likes of Pitt, Blanchett, et al
11. Little Miss Sunshine: Enjoyable road comedy with some of the most entertaining characters in recent memory. But a Best Picture nomination was a tad much.
10. The Descent: Perhaps the best horror film in a decade was made even more interesting by the director's statement that there are no real monsters. WHA? I think I'll have to watch again...
9. Casino Royale: The best Bond since....well I don't know when. A damn long time that's for sure.
8. Brick: OK how's this...we'll do a film noir...but it's setting isn't in some seedy section of Los Angeles or NYC, it's a modern day high school. And the characters all talk like they're reading script from a dimestore novel. And it works? Whoda thunk it?
7. Borat: I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time. It seems there is a developing backlash against it but pay no attention to the haters. Brilliantly subversive
6. The Departed: Not Scorsese's best but still one of the finest movies of the year.
5. The Queen: Mirren clearly deserved her Oscar. I was surprised how witty the movie was. Just superb acting, design, plot, all around.
4. United 93: A deserving tribute to those who died in 9/11. The move to cast non-names and go for realism was a brilliant stroke.
3. Children of Men: Dystopian science fiction with the best camerawork this year bar none.
2. Letters from Iwo Jima: The best war film since Saving Private Ryan. Masterful direction and score from Clint Eastwood. Made all the more powerful as it made this American cry for the Japanese protagonists.
1. Pan's Labyrinth: I've continued seeing great movies such as Iwo Jima and The Queen and Pan's Labyrinth still towers over them all. Guillermo del Toro always had talent but this proved that he is a titan in today's cinema world. Whatever he does for the rest of his career, he has cemented himself into history for Pan's Labyrinth. I've written all I can say in previous entries. If you haven't seen it by now, then you should be ashamed of yourself.
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